I got back in the pool today after a hiatus brought on by job (and job hunting) upheaval. Yes, I’m blaming that, even though I know that swimming would have been the best thing I could have done for myself during that time of stress. Duly noted, guilt felt, let’s move on.
Getting back in the pool felt great, and as I speared smoothly through the sparkly water (no really!), I found myself listing the reasons that I love swimming. And also realizing I was wearing a Speedo (swim cap) on my head. Those two things became synonymous in my weird brain: Swimming = wearing a Speedo. So with apologies to the much-funnier-than-I Lela Davidson and her laugh-out-loud post for guys: 10 Reasons to Skip the Speedos, I give you:
10 Reasons Why Women Should Wear Speedos
10. If you have a big head and big hair, as I do, Speedos are one of the few hats that actually fit.
9. Practically, they keep the hair out of your eyes, and NO one has better hair than you when swimming laps.
8. Your fingers will get wrinkly after about 20 minutes and you can distract yourself from the muscle burn in your arms by wondering why that happens, and if it really is because we as humans are related to frogs.
7. A young, lithe and broad-shouldered young buck might be swimming next to you. This tends to decrease your speed and increase the amount of time you spend “scoping out your lane”, but it’s worth it.
6. A not-so-young gentleman who is thankfully not wearing a man’s speedo might be next to you, which tends to increase your speed and reduce chit-chat, because let’s face it, you want to be faster and it’s just weird to talk to older men while in the pool, unless you are married to or related to them.
5. The elementary backstroke. Do you remember this from swim lessons? As someone who carries a lot of tension in her neck, this is the most relaxing thing I have found to do other than get a massage every 10 minutes. The downside is that you can’t see where you’re going, so exercise caution.
4. Michael Phelps wears Speedos, on his head as well as elsewhere. You are now totally bonded with Michael Phelps.
3. Swimming is a great life metaphor. For example, when you push off from the wall and get a noseful of water, as I did today, you have two options. 1. Stop, tread water, flail about a bit and make a spectacle of yourself or 2. Keep going, focus on your breathing, and realize the chlorine-up-the-nose pain will soon pass.
2. It’s entirely possible that, two lanes over, a 70-year old woman will swim faster and longer than you, and you can do nothing but choose to be incredibly inspired, and work harder.
1. When swimming in your Speedo, you are sleek and sexy like a dolphin. I swear you are.
Bonus #1: I swim at my local Boys and Girls Club, and it makes me feel really good to support such an important place for so many kinds.
Bonus #2: Bikinis are not part of lap swimming.
Everything and a Racehorse 
Favorite bit #1: “A young, lithe and broad-shouldered young buck might be swimming next to you.” YES PLEASE!
Favorite bit #2: “When swimming in your Speedo, you are sleek and sexy like a dolphin. I swear you are.”
Now I’m just laughing out loud 🙂
It occurs to me that some might not think dolphins are sexy. But oh well. 🙂
Here are my favorite parts:
“it’s just weird to talk to older men while in the pool, unless you are married to or related to them.” YES! SO TRUE! I particularly like how this implies that we just may be related (even by choice, ie, marriage) to older men who may go in a pool and who would otherwise be weird.
The backstroke: “The downside is that you can’t see where you’re going, so exercise caution.” As a person who can’t run in a straight line, the orientation of my backstroke would be a crapshoot.
And of course I like the idea of devoting extra time to scoping out my lane. Yes indeed.
Yes, I was careful about the older men thing…because of what you said..and dads…and brothers. It’s ok to talk to them. 🙂