The dark side of being a “supportive single”

I try for positive on this blog. I try to write things that put me in the best light. But this particular blog post has been bubbling in my head for a while now (surely the sign of a character flaw), and while I’m a little terrified to hit publish, I think I will, and then be revealed as a less than awesome human. This will, of course, magically cure of me of this character flaw, right?

This is a post for the supportive singles out there.  You know who you are – you are of a certain age, conquering life solo, and 80-90% of the time, are totally good with it. Sure, you have the occasional meltdown when someone mentions that you really should think about having kids sometime soon if you don’t want to “miss your window” (thanks! I never would have known that if you hadn’t told me!) but overall, you’ve learned to be happy by yourself, with yourself, and for yourself. And you have fought hard to train yourself that, when your coupled friends express joy or frustration in their coupledom, the correct, decent, and human response is “So happy for you!” or “Oh, geez, that’s tough.”

At no point do you ever, EVER say, when your fellow supportive single has at last found love: “Oh great. One less person who gets it.” Nor, when a coupled friend laments his/her significant other’s flaws, do you say “Oh yeah? Well, be grateful you have someone to share you life with.” Because saying those things would make you a jerk.

You never say such things. But I’m betting you think them occasionally.

And then promptly hate yourself for it. I know I do.

So what to do? I don’t know. Like most things, being a good and decent human is not a zero sum game. It’s a work in progress. So I guess we just keep trying. And hopefully realize that there are others like us out there, and hope that, when we are no longer supportive singles, the ones left behind will be genuinely, honestly happy (or sad) for us, as appropriate. Because at our core, we do care. It’s just sometimes hard to remember that.