1. On Tuesday, your post-volleyball birthday beer goes down smooth, and you’re content with just the one.
2. Wednesday, the day after that one beer, you’re delighted to spend the evening on your couch with your dog.
3. Thursday, the day after that, you have a beer with an old friend, and you both remark that you’d like another, “but I’d really better not.”
4. Friday, your colleagues take you out for beers, you have two, and promptly come home and go to bed without passing go or collecting $200.
5. Saturday, you go to watch your Badgers beat Kentucky, and your friend offers you beer, and you beg for a rum and coke instead, because, well, all that earlier beer!
6. On Sunday, you rest and consume no alcohol. Thank God.
7. On Monday, you go to the bar to watch the Badgers almost take out Duke, and your one beer has you silently begging the uber driver to hurry up already because you need to go to sleep. You forget to take an Advil.
8. On Tuesday, you feel like you felt in college after a big party, (should have taken that Advil) and you realize that a week of moderate drinking has done you in. So you write this sorry blog post while doggedly rehydrating.
8a. On Weds, you realize that this is your ninth reason and you have lost the ability to count.