I want to be smart…and useful.

What a strange day. 

It was one of those days where each new moment, literally, brought about something unexpected, sometimes unwelcome, or surprisingly encouraging.  Nothing was mild.  Everything was amped up.  And yet it’s ending in such a mild, comforting way.   Weird.

Here’s the summary:

5:51am – bolt out of bed 51 minutes later than I was supposed to.  Why the HELL do I hit snooze on my alarm so many times?  Dammit, gonna have to feed the dog without walking her if I’m going to shower and make it to my 7am on time.  This will be the first time since I got her that I haven’t walked her in the morning.  Bad Jodi.  No treats for you.

6:30am – hmmm.  Strangely, I am dressed, coiffed and ready to go.  15 minutes early.  Um, ok.  Guess the dog and I get a quick jaunt around the block (in my snazzy black ankle boots). 

7am – Speaking at a Kiwanis event.  Surprisingly pleasant morning, no hard questions, friendly people, and an invite to join the club.  That, and a ceramic coffee mug.  (PS: We could learn something from the “reports” at this club – they are given verbally and last for precisely one sentence.  Fantastic!)

9am – back to back meetings filled with stress and the realization that I’m not doing a very good job at much these days.  I HATE realizing that. 

10:50am – a colleague walks by and blinks in surprise while telling me how much she loves my outfit.  That’s not a compliment I get very often. 

10:51am – I say to this colleague: “Oh my gosh, I have no idea what I’m going to say to the class that we’re about to go speak to!”  She calmly says, “Walk with me, we’ll figure it out.” Very Zen response, and just what I needed.

11:00am – I should really go back to work after doing the introduction to the class.  Nah.  I’m gonna stick around for the backstage tour; it’s always fun. 

12:45pm – tour ran long.  No time for lunch.  Gotta run to meeting.

1:00pm – fast, pleasant meeting.  I want more of those.

1:30pm – sign some papers and really hope that they are legit and truthful.  Start talking with a colleague about someone who is getting a Governor’s Arts Award today.  Me: “And he’s smart. There aren’t many people out there who are both smart…” (trails off, searching for that perfect word) – My Colleague: “…and useful.”  Enjoyed a huge laugh at that one.

2:30pm – back to the class.  They’re running late.  Luckily, lunch is still available.  Read some national news, including the story of people stuck on an ocean liner being towed out of the Pacific by tugboats.  Yeah, ok, that pretty much sucks.

4:00pm – practicing delegation.  Passing on a project to one of my staff, and feeling very good about it.  Had a nice little moment of realizing that it’s my JOB to push them and challenge them, not coddle them or keep them safe. And along the way, I’ll save my sanity.  That seems like a good deal.

5:15pm – Jeez, is it dark out already? 

5:40pm – Come on, dog, get in the car.  We’ve gotta get to the dog park before the sun completely goes down.

5:41pm – Success!  Lured by treats, the dog gets into the car on her own steam for the first time ever.  It’s the little things.

5:42pm – Busted by the suburban mom for driving too fast on “her” street.  Gulp.

5:43pm – Dog park in the dark.  Funny.  Nice vibe to the park tonight; dogs are happy and playing, people are watching them, everyone is calm.

6:15pm – There’s a note from my landlady in the mail; she wants me to give her a picture of my dog to keep in her files along with the pet deposit.  Excuse to take photos of my fur kid?  As if I needed one. 

6:16pm – back home, answering work emails, some of which, if I were to let them, would make me angry.  But I’m not gonna let them.

6:17 to now – quiet, calm night in the house.  TV on DVR.  Thought provoking Glee (sometimes standing up to bullies doesn’t work, which is depressing).  Looking forward to spending the latter half of the day with friends tomorrow; I need the break.

It was a tough day, even though this accounting doesn’t really show that.  Mostly, because I’m falling behind in everything; work, laundry, planning for the holidays.  But also, because when I fall behind, I start to screw up, and that’s when I start to worry if I really know what I’m doing, or if I’ve just fooled everyone into thinking I do.  It’s humbling (which is a good thing), but also scary.

But then again, Sadie is sprawled at my feet after a happy evening of chewing on her rawhide bone.  And that’s not bad.

PS: Well, actually, since I went back to proofread this entry, she’s begun her ritual “it’s-almost-time-for-bed-so-now-I’m-gonna-get-hyper” routine.  But that’s not bad either. 

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